We’re Not Here For You (Why You Don’t and Won’t See Much of My Relationship on Facebook–and Why it’s Not a Big Deal!!)

25 Jan

By now I should have taught myself to not get upset over corny celebrity memes. Le sigh. I still do. It has to be THE most annoying thing to see poorly written, cliché quotes plastered over celebrity faces. Sorry. I can’t take a quote that’s pinned over Meek Mill grabbing Nicki Minaj’s rump seriously.

But about two weeks ago, I read one that I allowed to get under my skin. Irk my twerk, as I love to say. I can’t remember the quote verbatim…and it wasn’t worth the data space from a screenshot. But in a nutshell, the meme read, “Ladies, beware of the man that won’t claim you on social media…he’s not really your man.”

Ew. Like “UGH” in the highest note sung by Mariah.

It not only irked my twerk, but it saddened me. Somewhere between my 5-minute emotional transformation from pissed to sad, I realized that we live in a completely focked up society/generation.

It absolutely kills me that there are humans roaming the earth that believe- the number of likes or comments under photos, can validate the legitimacy of your relationship. Some actually believe that the presence of our relationship on our lover’s social media profile, confirms “real love”…whatever the hell that is. While it got under my skin a bit, it didn’t make me lose confidence in the love, I choose to keep away from Facebook as much as possible.

To the wonderful face behind the meme, to you I say “thank you”. Thanks for getting me back to my first love—mind vomiting…and thanks for being the inspiration behind this blog post.

I’d like to share with you the FIVE (5) reasons you don’t and won’t see my relationship all over my social media profiles…and why you shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

  • My partner, is MINE…not your Facebook friend!!!
    • We’ve all seen it. Go out with your friends…friend posts picture…likes come under pictures………………..and your friend requests blow UP! It happens- to ladies mostly. The thirst trap is REAL. But beyond the thirst, is the nosiness. Women, we are SO guilty of this. We see a Facebook friend with a new love interest, we go scrolling, screenshotting…and SOME are bold enough to even hit the forbidden “ADD FRIEND” button. EHHHH EHHH. My husband, is mine. Not your facebook friend. You aren’t and won’t be friends with him, just because you’re friends with me. Capiche?

 

  • My Facebook…is my Facebook
    • Ya know, the longer you’re with someone (ESPECIALLY if you’re married), the more you lose your individuality. Everything becomes shared. Wedding invites, baby shower invitations, CHRISTMAS cards are addressed to you and your partner. I kid you not, I honestly considered changing my name to Kendra and Keith. I can barely drink out of the juice carton now because it’s SHARED….okay, I still drink out of the carton. Point is, my Facebook is MINE. I’ll share my heart with you, but for the most part my profile will be about me, my kids, my horrible-not-so-good day at work or stupid quotes that come to me over a bowl of Lucky Charms. So sorry, I’m not going to create a joint Instagram for us to share…or change my name to Kendra LovingMyBookie Mallett. Let me be great in being stingy with ONE thing. Gah.

 

  • Our moments are not an accurate reflection of our lives
    • Back in November I took a weeklong trip from South Carolina to the Grand Canyon. Obviously, I couldn’t pull off the 30 hour drive by myself…but you’d never know that I wasn’t alone by the pictures I decided to share with Facebook. I CHOSE not to share the best moments of the trip (with my Husband) to Facebook. Instead, I put them in our scrapbook. We hadn’t made it back to SC before my husband got a text asking, “Is everything okay with you and Kendra?”. What started out as a beautiful trip to celebrate another year of life, ended as a dagger to my husband’s confidence. People have a tendency to assume the worse, when they don’t have a view of the best. And on the other hand, when I do choose to post photos of my partner, we receive admiration. And while it is appreciated, I never want to become a relationship idol for ANYONE. We still have a lonnnng way to go and we are FAR from perfect. What makes us beautiful is our chaotic natural form. If you were to knock on our door now, you’d hear us scrambling as we rush to find clothes to put on (as my entire family enjoys being unclothed 24/7), us cussing at a good game or the kids running laps over good furniture. But that’s us, our best in our state of chaos. Our moments—facebook pictures, are not an accurate depiction of our everyday lives.

 

  • Once you give people a piece of the pie, they feel they have a seat at the table.
    • We all have or have had our shares of Triple Cs (Celebrity Couple Crushes). For me, I never really cared about Brad and Ang…but I loved my hometown high school couples. From behind my screen, I’d awe at their couple pics and cute statuses about one another, wait for them to post their weekend plans and try to mirror the best of their relationship…until they aired their dirty laundry. Aside from it being a bad choice, it was only ONE nasty status about the other, but it was enough to stick with me. No matter how much he tried to make the woman his #WomanCrushWednesday, it was too late. I’d already had my share of the nasty. There wasn’t any shout out to his Beloved that could sweeten up the status that was forever engraved in my memory. When you give people a piece of the pie, they feel they have a seat at your table…in your relationship. It’s natural that one taste of vinegar, can make you forget all the sugar you indulged. No one helped my build it, no one has a seat at our table.

 

  • Private does not always mean hidden…It could mean PROTECTED 
    • We’ve all seen the idiots on Facebook that post pictures of their 40-hour work week wages. The dough. Their bread. Their MONEY. Besides it being an OBVIOUS cry for adoration…it’s weak and false advertisement. We all know that the individuals with the greatest wealth, don’t yell it to the world. People with appreciation for the best diamonds, are not constantly shouting, “Look at my newest ice!!” My relationship, is mine. It’s not broadcasted weekly, because I treasure the intimate, private moments that made me fall in love with my guy. Private does NOT always mean hidden…it could me protected.

 

 

I want to close by saying that this post is in NO WAY a hand slap to the people who choose to share their lovey dovey moments on Facebook. In fact, my favorite set of married people (shoutout to Sherena and Jerome) are VERY vocal, witty and ADORABLE with their posts about love…but I’ve never seen her badmouth what they’ve built either. My post is simply saying, stop creating inaccurate assumptions about the things you can’t see, just because you can’t see them.

Love and big hugs as ALWAYS. Please like, comment and share! I’m open to any form of criticism or ideas for new blogs. Find me at kaydeetheladee@gmail.com or Twitter/Instagram: @TheGreyCrayon

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12 Responses to “We’re Not Here For You (Why You Don’t and Won’t See Much of My Relationship on Facebook–and Why it’s Not a Big Deal!!)”

  1. Nisha January 25, 2016 at 9:27 pm #

    OMG! Say it again girl. It kills me to see people tag each other in every status, being all mushy and gushy and on the other end, they haven’t talked to each other in days. Some people get so caught up in living for the people, they forget people actually know them beyond Facebook. When your relationship is based on the lies for the public, that’s exactly what it becomes…….

    • @TheGreyCrayon January 25, 2016 at 9:50 pm #

      RIGHHHHHHTTT!!! I actually forgot all about the “false idols”…WE STILL KNOW YOU!!! Lol That was well said, man.

  2. Tia January 25, 2016 at 9:43 pm #

    Even when I post about my other half, I don’t tag him and he never comments, so one day I got in my feelings about it and asked him about it and all of a sudden I started having multiple GROWN, OLD NOSEY people in my inbox boldly saying why is it that you never tag him in anything so we can go on his page and see what he’s about…what
    I want to say is it’s none of your $&@? Business you old lonely botch, like I don’t know you don’t have a man, stay in your %*€>!+£ lane, LOL but I can’t because I was taught to respect my elders…but yes this NEEDS to be shared we’ve been happy with no problems and don’t need fb to justify our love, if you ever see us in the street they will know THATS HIM!!! Smh

    • @TheGreyCrayon January 25, 2016 at 9:52 pm #

      Exactly! Wear your relationship in how you carry yourself. Please share this post on your social media if you can!

  3. Shana January 25, 2016 at 10:37 pm #

    This is good and so true. I often lose respect for those who put all of their business on FB. It’s funny that people thought something was going on with you and Keith when they don’t see him in pics. I typically assume he’s with you taking pics. LOL

    • @TheGreyCrayon January 25, 2016 at 10:43 pm #

      DEAD!!! Lmbo…yes, 90% of the time…he is my Tri-pod!

  4. Laqunda White January 26, 2016 at 9:50 am #

    I loved it you spoke the truth true love shouldn’t have to be broadcast for the whole world my saying is when you post about your relationship you are welcoming people in to talk about something that’ why I never post about my relationship on social media because he his mine no one else.

    • @TheGreyCrayon January 26, 2016 at 4:19 pm #

      Thank YOU Laquanda! Thank you! You are right in so many ways. Both choices (to share/not to share) should be respected!

  5. Christen January 26, 2016 at 3:49 pm #

    Beautiful! It’s so refreshing that you too can see the fudgery going on in the world. My favorite ones are the couples who post relationship goals and a million pics then all of a sudden you see that canvas has been washed and a new person is in the pic. It’s a cycle that so many of us have grown accustomed to ignoring, because it’s such a nuisance. To each their own. Love is a beautiful thing, but I’ve learned you can’t share everything with the world, because the world may not appreciate it in the same way u do. Great job as always love! Now keeep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<<that was 15 🙂

    • @TheGreyCrayon January 26, 2016 at 4:20 pm #

      My dude…that was well said. I should’ve put that in my blog! LOL

  6. Kay January 26, 2016 at 7:45 pm #

    I really appreciate you sharing YOUR experience and YOUR perspective, but most of all clarifying that those things are YOURS.

    I think too often people fall into the habit of judging others’ journeys. So what if someone chose to post photos galore and then deleted them because of heartbreak? Happiness, even when it is fleeting is still a lot better than some of the negative energy and posts that are plastered on social media.

    The key is, in life, and in love, to seek different perspectives but to do your own thing – to do what works for you. Those who are strongest and most confident in their walk don’t feel inclined to stomp on any one else’s shoes.

    I really hope those reading this and commenting understood it as YOUR truth and not a clear delineation of a “right” or “wrong” way to do something because that, in my opinion lacks depth and is problematic.

    Love you. Love this.

  7. @TheGreyCrayon January 27, 2016 at 10:41 am #

    “So what if someone chose to post photos galore and then deleted them because of heartbreak? Happiness, even when it is fleeting is still a lot better than some of the negative energy and posts that are plastered on social media.” <=== My favorite. You're right, this was my truth and definitely not a clear stance on right or wrong. There is no right or wrong.

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