The 13 Most Popular Types of Cheaters

28 Apr

I won’t begin this blog with one of my usual witty intros. This was a quick blog to subcategorize the sea of cheaters that live in this world and hopefully, raise awareness. Enjoyyyyyyy!
The 13 Most Popular Types of Cheaters:

The Value Menu Cheater
This is the cheater that never goes for the full meal or the best option. This lame-oid picks from the value menu. They cheat with the bums, the skinks, etc. These cheaters are often caught with a girl/guy that is a downgrade from the current woman/man they are in a relationship with. These cheaters simply pick what they’re hungry for and what is easily obtainable at the moment (ex: oral sex, quick make out session, toot and boot). Bottom line is, they buy pick the people that fit in their worthless budget.

The Sloppy Cheater
This cheater is the one you have no choice but to just laugh at. This cheater is the one that cheats faithfully but has not invested in what I called a Promiscuity Protection Plan. This is your eediot that leaves their cell phone unlocked, never logs out of their Facebook, invites their Mister/Mistress into their home, buys their Mister/Mistress gifts that match their partners’, cheat with an individual that is close in relation to their partner….need I go on?

The Bird of a Feather Cheater
While I’d love to break this one down on the chalkboard for you all, let’s face it…this one is pretty self-explanatory. The “Bird of a Feather” cheater goes to the idiot that roams with nothing but dogs. With that being said, it’s never FAIR or SAFE to categorize an individual by the company they keep. The whole point of this category is to remove some of the surprise when and if you find out that one of the dogs in this pack has made a fool of you.

The Cyber Cheater
This is your krod (“dork” in reverse form) that has not built up the confidence to move from behind their keyboard to actually CHEAT. These are the guys that are in a relationship and flirt from the comfort of their smartphone, tablet, laptop…etc. These eediots inbox their approaches but never really follow through with their offers. Make no mistake, while these lame never PHYSICALLY cheat, they are cheaters. Remember, cheating is born in the mind and raised by the body.

The Open Cheater

I was a little hesitant to call this group of individuals “cheaters”. This group goes to the couple that made an agreement upfront that they would have an open relationship. Sexual interaction would not be limited to the primary owners of the relationship but would actually have an open door policy. Surprisingly, I own nothing but respect for this group. They set their guidelines for a relationship, they adhered to those rules and most importantly…they are HONEST with their partner. The catch with this group is often there are written rules, but not a mutual understanding. If open relationships are something of interest to you, please make sure you understand all the ramifications that an open relationship comes with.

The Soulless Cheater
This group of scum bags are your blatant, no shame, Y.O.L.O cheaters. These cheaters do it, admit that they do it and acknowledge that they have no desire to change. The onllllllly good thing about these cheaters is that they typically show you who they are BEFORE you get into a relationship with them. These could be the cheater that you stole from someone else. As the old adage goes, “If they cheat WITH you, they are capable of cheating ON you.”

The Mental Cheater
These poor creatures are by far the most humiliating. These are the cheaters who absolutely have lost every piece of interest in their partner, possess not one brave bone in their body, and cheat in their heads. These are your skeezers that daydream about someone else 24/7, imagine someone else while they are rolling in the sheets with their partner and fantasize about another lover ever second they get—even while with their current partner. What makes this cheater so horrible, is the fact that they leave behind NO trace of infidelity. They typically show their current lover all the love they deserve….because they are imagining that they are giving that love to another person. With this cheater, it is very hard to detect any dishonesty, or lack of interest because typically they paint a perfect picture for you and the public.

The Reciprocated Cheater
Simple. This cheater is the one that simply does it because it was done to him/her. A long time ago, I could understand this cheater. We would like to believe that Karma was on this cheater’s side. The thing is though, this cheater is just as much of a trifling coward as the one that cheated on them. My rule: If you’re going to take them back, let it go. If you can’t let it go, don’t take them back. Simp shet.
The Blood Line Cheater I’m pretty sure somewhere in the world there’s a nerd that failed Med School who’s trying to prove his theory that cheating is inherited. There are actually people that believe that cheating is inevitable because they come from a line of unfaithful individuals.

The Closet Cheater
Another self-explanatory one. These cheaters are the one that have landed themselves in a relationship with someone that does not fulfill their desires in the gender/sex department. These cheaters, in my opinion or also cowards. They not only live a lie in their romantic life but tend to put on a plastic face for the public as well. They cheat on their significant other with a member of the same sex and justify it by saying, “I was confused”. To each his own, and to every dog his bone…

The Boss Cheater
This cheater is the one who lays off his/her current lover (without informing them) and finds someone else that can fulfill their needs. The major quality that separates this cheater from the endless other categories, is that when caught, this cheater simply says (in so many words), “You weren’t doing your job.” This cheater is also very dangerous because this one possesses the power, has the potential to walk away with all their confidence and leave you with none of yours.

The Had To Clear My Chest Cheater
These are the scums that cheat, feel bad about it and only confess…..because they feel bad about it. Be aware of these cheaters. These are the emotional wrecks that cry so hard and mourn so long over your dead relationship, that they almost leave you feeling sorry for them. These are also the cheaters that are most likely to be forgiven. They have mastered the art of manipulation and have also won an opportunity to commit the same crime over again.

The Suicidal Cheater
By far this is the most dangerous cheater. This category is owned by the ones who confess (or get caught) and threaten their lives or self-endangerment if you decide to leave them. These are the ooser-lays that swear up and down that they can’t live without you in their life. These are the cheaters that swear they have no air when you’re around (probably because they panted it all out during their disgusted sex). While I would love to make jokes about this whimpy behavior, it is actually a serious one. In so many ways this is the cheater that holds the most power. Without even trying, they move the blame, guilt and responsibility of their sin to you. Afterall, if you leave them, you are the cause of any harmful action they place upon themselves, right? WRONG!

The Corner Cut Cheater
This is one of the more innocent cheaters (if there’s such a thing). The Corner Cut cheater is the guy/girl that never actually has sexual interaction with another person (never stepped out of the box), but does everyyyything else that could lead to cheating (hence, the corners). These are the cheaters that let the outside person know how miserable they are with you, let the outside person know how interested they are in you, gives the other person EVERY reason to look at you like a damn fool. While we would like to give the Corner Cut cheater a little bit of credit for not physically cheating, these cheaters stink because they are the ones that are miserable and too much of a coward to actually leave.

So, I’m sure I missed a large population of cheaters. That’s where you guys come in. Share, repost, comment and let me know what type of cheater you’ve encountered…or are. I appreciate alllll feedback and the love that flows with it.
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2 Responses to “The 13 Most Popular Types of Cheaters”

  1. joyce Johnson April 28, 2014 at 5:31 pm #

    You did it again. Superb. Hit the nail on the head.

  2. Rachel Riley April 28, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

    This was so true and detailed! Loved it!

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