*DOGGY DOOR* (How You’re Motivating Your Significant Other to Cheat and Don’t Even Know It)

4 Jan

Relationship secured? Y’all are solid…right? No one is going to take your woman/man from you. Nope, not you. Your man/woman has a good thing at home. Besides, if they leave…they’ll be right back. Can’t find another like you! Right? WROOOOONG!

EEEEdiots! Oh what silly little ingrates we are. “We worship together…no weapon formed against us shall prosper!”….. “We’ve have history”….. “They’re my ride or die!” People, people, people—No matter how good the loving is, no matter how many years have built the foundation…there will always be the DOGGY DOOR.
Oh dear! Where are my manners? How rude of me not to explain what the doggy door IS. Okay—

DOGGY DOOR (noun)—The overlooked, underestimated, invisible yet very real space left open in romantic relationships for intruders, spectators or perspective new lovers to enter. This metaphorical space is often caused by a negligent, overbearing, abusive lover or a lover that has gotten too comfortable.
MEN…WOMEN…this post is for YOU!

She’s changed her hair four times this week. 4 new scarves, eyebrows just arched, fresh paint job on the nails. She’s feeling herself. She knows what she’s working with. Swagger amped by her new appearance, her confidence is roaring. She can have any man she wants, but she’s doing it all for YOU. And you… say NOTHING. Yeah you’ve grabbed her ass a million times, put more effort in the boonkie…but you never told her how nicely she looked. Women are sensitive creatures, no… particular creatures. We’d rather you show it but sometimes we need to hear it from YOU…not just our friends. But wait–don’t even sweat it. Little Lawrence from her office has been paying attention. Little Lawrence is plotting, prepping and putting himself in position for the ultimate prowl. Each day he’s in the break room letting her know how her tangerine eye shadow makes the hazel in her eyes stand out. He’s told her that her hair pulled back makes her face look pure, open, clean..beautiful. While little Lawrence may be facing some sexual harassment issues, he’s still re-affirmed, opened up her confidence to a brand new level. He’s reminded her that her beauty is noticed by people other than you . Even worse, little Lawrence has just opened up … THE DOGGY DOOR.

The man’s shift ended at 8:00. You two only live 10 minutes away from his job. But him dapping the homies at work, a gas station stop for a beer and the slow ride while he bumps Rick Ross’ newest mix tape brings him home at 8:32. You start the NAGGGGING. He ignores it. He knows he’s done nothing wrong. He’s accustomed to your tantrums. He just wants to shower, play Madden and drink his Coors in peace. Nahhhhhh. You’re not having that. He’s gon’ listen to what you have to say. He’s gonna hear how he’s trifling, up to no good and ain’t worth shit. Don’t even sweat it. It’s all good. You’ve been clocking his attendance so well, you never thought to focus on little Tasha who’s admiring and liking all of his new workout pics on Instagram. Tasha has been adding in extra LOLs, winks and poking on Facebook. Your insecurities soar while Tasha’s confidence rises. It’s not going to be long before his faithfulness becomes more of requirement than a desire. Sometimes….men just want PEACE. He’s going to start returning the love to Tasha. He’s now able to turn to the quiet (non-nagging) internet, find a woman that is in pursuit of a man rather than a battle. And just like that….Tasha is pushing through the DOOGY DOOR.

The night is going well. You guys haven’t been out together in over 2 weeks. With much needed alone time, you guys play it simple and just hit up Outback. It’s not long after the Ribeye and Porkloin is served that a good ole’ serving of “the past” comes up. Somehow a conversation about grad school turns into reminiscing about undergrad, which flips into partying during undergrad and ultimately past lovers. Ahhh damn..here she goes. She can’t resist the urge to rag about his promiscuity. While they have closed this door a million times before, she insists on opening it ONEEE more time. To her, he needs a reminder of how much she’s been hurt. He can get pleasant face, a nice exchange of words over dinner and quality time from anywhere else. It won’t come with harbored history and it won’t ruin precious, savoring…new moments together. Just like that…YOU’VE opened up the DOGGY DOOR!

Woaaaahhh! Hold up, put down your bullet proofs and guns. I’m not at war with you. I didn’t create the Doggy Door as a scare tactic. The doggy door has been around for years. I’ve heard it referred to as many other terms. The bottom line is it exists. No matter how much of a “Good thang” something is, it’s not unbreakable….irreplaceable. Stop taking her threats as a bluff. Stop taking his silence as him not caring. Often we are sooooo busy looking down, over and at ourselves that we miss the most PRECIOUS gifts in front of us. We’re afraid to love hard because loving hard gives the opportunity to break harder. Love is a beautiful… REMARKABLE thing. Love completely. Understand your lover’s needs. Listen…..COMMUNICATE. Communication is the most valuable thing in any relationship, yet we neglect it. Learn your lover’s strengths and stop viewing only the negative. We ALL have the belief deep down that we’re irreplaceable. We constantly remind ourselves that he/she isn’t leaving or that they’ll never find another lover. The fact is, they WON’T find another like you…that’s the point. There is ALWAYS someone else willing to pick up what you’ve broken down.

As always I appreciate the read. Please comment. This post is a particular favorite but I realllllly want to hear some of your Doggy Door experiences. Peace , Love and Back rubs…..


email: kaydeetheladee@gmail.com
Blog IG: PecansAndGrapevines


4 Responses to “*DOGGY DOOR* (How You’re Motivating Your Significant Other to Cheat and Don’t Even Know It)”

  1. Spark! January 4, 2013 at 1:25 pm #

    You put me on game before with “The Doggy Door.” This happens to be my fav post cause it hits allllllll the way HOME! I just needed to hear/read this AGAIN….not a pet owner, but there’s def a doggy door. “I be knowin.” Lol.

  2. Nisha January 4, 2013 at 2:36 pm #

    Umm um umm…. Chile if this was available a few year’s back maybe SOME high school sweethearts would still be just that! Lol. U live and U learn though. Well done!

  3. Joyce Johnson January 4, 2013 at 4:09 pm #

    Girl you got a gift . You have a voice . Your writing is superb .I loud to read. I could read these all the time . Keep up the good work .I work with Keith.I sent you a book that my niece wrote. Girl let your voice be heard .

  4. Trina D January 14, 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    OMGGG! I sooo needed to read this! Well done Kendra, well done!

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