Why YOU can’t win an argument….READ!!

28 Dec

Awwwww DAMN! It’s happened again.You prepped, you planned and you practiced. But just as always when it’s time for the argument to drop, your words are stolen, twisted and used as a weapon against you in an argument that YOU started. How does this keep happening to you? What are you doing wrong? My dear, the answer to this question is simple. I see it all the time. I myself have been both the victim and the culprit. You must learn and then spread on the repellent for the styles of dominating arguing styles. These styles of dominating an argument have been used against you or in your favor for so long that you’re quite accustomed to them and don’t even realize when you’re on the losing side.These are NOT signs of an abusive relationship by any means. While they can be a sign, please don’t confuse them as such. Now, pull yourself together soldier, get ready to be learnt!

I call these techniques used by the opposing side my W.H.Y. It’s my acronym to describe how your loved one, friend, co worker, peer…whatever manipulates and strategizes ways to avoid or turn your argument around. We’ll first start with my “W”
W— “ Whatever” This is probably the most used defense mechanism in an argument. I’ve seen it used more by guys but as times change and women grow in brilliance, the usage is balanced. He’re how the situation usually looks: You’ve blurted out all of your issues, you’ve re-written that “perfect” text message 12 times. You’ve expressed how you feel and thennnnn BOOOOOOM, they hit you with the “WHATEVER” Huh, wuh?? Yup. It happens to the best of us. The “whatever” doesn’t necessarily have to be verbal. 8 times out of 10 it’s not verbal. It’s a shrug, an I don’t care, it’s an “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Even worse…it often appears as a silent stare. Fret not. Yell not. You’ve stated your piece. You came with a plan…execute it. After you’ve stated your piece, opened the floor for any rebuttal…when all is done—You leave it alone. You must remember one thing. Everyone comes to a battle with something to lose. While they may give you the “whatever” card, care does exist. You have not succeeded in this particular argument but you can not lose sleep over it. Give it one more try at a different time. Think of a different day, setting or style (text, e-mail, card) that might get through. After that, you’ve pretty much done all you can do. Ask yourself if what you were arguing about is even worth it. Who does it benefit for you to bring forth this argument? Now-on to my second argument style. Hellllo Mr. “H”…..
H— “ Hang up” My, my, my….of the three styles, this has to be the one that drives me Nucking Futs. Hanging up is a cowardly way of handling an adult situation. There is no way around it. It is disrespectful and it can only be tolerated if you let it. Never, succumb or give in to the person that hangs up. You must know that a hang up is not an automatic reaction. It is premeditated for atleast 3 seconds. Meaning, the person that hangs up on you does think about it before it is done. They chose wrong. DO NOT…DO NOT…DO NOOOOOT call someone back that has hung up on you. It is petty it is childish. You aare already losing when you redial that person. You have done NOTHING but handed over the power. With that said, there is ONLY ONE time it is okay to call back. If and only if you have said something derogatory or thrown curse words or slander. Then and only then, you are the wrong party. Disrespect is always a reason for someone to hangup. But back to then hanging up shet. A person that is worth your time will not consistently hang up on you. Once or twice..even three times, yes it happens. But someone hanging up on you is someone closing the lid on your feelings. Also, remember if a person acknowledges that they’ve made a mistake by hanging up, they will call back within a few moments and apologize ANNND listen. Remember to question if their call back is more convenient for them or benefiting for you. NOW…to the last (and my fave ) style….”Y”
Y—“You’re right” I must admit, I myself am a slave to this one. When the horns are loud, the battlefield is blowing…you must say whatever it takes to end the argument…so here comes the ever so famous… “You’re right”. Ahhhhh damn, but what about when it’s used against you? Aha! There it goes. The thing about this style of argumentative response is that it can be both a positive and a negative. It can mean that the person believes that indeed, you are right or it can mean that they’ll say whatever is necessary to make you believe you are. The one thing that you must remember is this….Your mission in an argument, confrontation or debate is NOT to be right..but to be understood. That is the key.
These are the top styles but far from the only ones. The whole point is, as an individual try to avoid these styles yourself and you’ll likely pass on to another the proper way of debate. Try to remember:
1- Your words should be a weapon. Weapons are commonly war tools but weapons also protect. Remember that. Don’t ever use your words to hurt. Weapons protect.
2- Calm. Stay calm. You lose your cool, you hand over all rights for someone else to get heated. Have faith in your stance and let your argument speak for itself.
3- Plan. Prep..execute but NEVER let an argument leave you breathless or with the feeling of defeat. While they are called arguments, they are not bad things. You are simply trying in some way shape or form to protect or preserve something that is meaningful to you.

Thanks for reading! Pleeeeasse comment, share and repost! Love is appreciated and always returned.

Love and back rubs!



3 Responses to “Why YOU can’t win an argument….READ!!”

  1. Kwitta January 2, 2013 at 11:17 pm #

    too funny… GREAT!!!

  2. Elbony January 2, 2013 at 11:44 pm #

    Great post Kendra, I love this one bc I just recently had an argument with him and the after argument was bc I thought he was wrong for feeling how he felt….but after reading this post, I can honestly say I understand why arguments exist. And I can see now why he would want me to understand how he was feeling just because he was trying to “protect or preserve something very meaningful to him.”

    Oh so nicely written my friend….

    Ok, so what, who cares that I have work in the a.m.???? (shrugs shoulders, eats cookie, sips drink, and keeps reading)

  3. Spark! January 3, 2013 at 9:54 pm #

    I bring the “fire” in relationships, so THIS post is definitely relatable. The “Whatever” is my “It’s Cool”—it ain’t cool, and it AIN’T OVER…and “You’re Right,” my white flag. I’m afraid I’ll always suck at arguing…Well, cause I’m always right….right?
    Jk, good Read Kendra, goooodread.

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