The Sincerity in Your Sincerely…

28 Dec

From the time you make face to face, verbal, computer mediated communication with someone, you are righting a letter. Your first word serves as your greeting. The last word…is your sincerely. The one thing I’ve learned is that it’s not how you start off a conversation with someone but how you end it that matters most. I want you all to know that this post is the most honest and personal one for me. My hands are shaking as I prepare to let you guys into my life. My hope is not that you read this and sympathize for me. I only hope that you use this minor story of mine to help you write a proper sincerely to your loved ones.

I was 21. I lie. I was 20 when I gave birth to my son Kaydence. 21 when parenting really started kicking in. My first lover was my only lover and my last lover so I never considered myself a “statistic”. To me, I was a different “young black mumma” in America. I moved in with my high school sweetheart on July 1, 2009. 850 square feet, $550 a month…shit, sounded good to me. And all was well. At the middle…so forth. From the outside looking in, Kendra was young and inexperienced but it looked like she and Keith were pulling things together pretty well. Together for 5 years at the time, high school sweethearts…couldn’t be better. 2 1/2 years later here it comes. November 12, 2011 I’m 9 months pregnant with my daughter Kollyn and Keith proposes to me. So we’re together..TWO kids and ready for marriage. We were holding everything together on the outside and our love was crumbling every second we were together. Each morning, while the breakfast was heating up, so were conversations. It was my mission to bring up the German co-worker of his that he’d shared phone convos with. Ohhh or the time he “lost” his phone at Bike Week. Oh man..and it just wasn’t right if I didn’t tell him, “You’re a dumb mother fugger if you think I can’t find uh’notha.” Man. Growing up, “I hate you” were words that were forbidded in my parent’s house. Ha. This was my spot and those words were often the opening act for many shows going down in Apt 07. Each day, I was writing my letter.

Now, hold tight people. I’m getting to the closing. Bare with me. When I love, I love too hard. Scary hard. I could say the meanest things in the world to my love but I couldn’t make it more than 15 miles down the road before I sent out my “sorry”. Some mornings it’d be me running back up the stairs begging for a quick hug “just in case I die on the road.” Woah…get this, sometimes it was a text message that started from the time I touched my car seat until the time I left my desk at work. Other times, it’d be a quick note on the fridge : You know I didn’t mean it. Sorry. Luv ya–KD

All the while, this was enough for me. This was my sincerely. My greeting was fire. The body of my letter was hell. But to me as long as I ended with a good sincerely, all was well. All was right. Right? WROOOONNNNGGG. My sincerely worked for me. Shet, I could go to work, mingle with co workers, chat it up with my bestie on my lunch and go home as if nothing happened. To me, all was well. I never thought about the ending I was leaving with the one person that meant more to me than…anything. The problem is, there was not an ounce of sincerity in my sincerely. Not an ounce. I was selfish (as many of us are). As long as I got sleep at night, as long as I felt better…AS LONG AS I SAID SORRY–all was well. I broke down all that was well and lost an amazing jewel in the mean time. With all that said, he definitely had his sincerlies too..LOL! They weren’t all so beautiful either. But people, what is your sincerely? We all have one.

Are you the the boyfriend that can’t delete the pics of his ex-girlfriend? Yeah, him. The one that knows it doesn’t matter because his new lover will forgive him with one forehead kiss and some good “lubbin”. Ohhhh are you the wife that consistently brings home a new problem every night just because your bestie and her man are going through it. Yeah, her. That insecure lady that believes “If he’s doing it…you must be doing it as well.” She believes that no matter how much she nags at night, all will be well in the morning after she cooks his favorite breakfast or buys him a new jersey.

Is your Sincerely sincere? Do you mean it. Do your final words work more in your favor or theirs? Remember these two things people:

1) Words don’t hurt…they bruise. They leave scars that no ointment or “sorry” can heal.
2) You never know when the last thing you say to someone, will be the LAST thing you say to someone. Life is not short but your lifetime with someone you love is short when you lose them.

Thank you for reading! Comment, repost, share. As always, I love the love and the love is returned. COMMENT! I’d lovvve to hear your responses and what your “SINCERELY” is.

Follow me on Twitter: @KenAndPaper and Instagram @KenAndPaper
Email me anything you’d like to discuss orany suggestions (I’m always up for new ideas)


6 Responses to “The Sincerity in Your Sincerely…”

  1. Kandi B. January 2, 2013 at 10:32 pm #

    You are very talented within your writing Kendra!! I have truly enjoyed reading your posts(I think I read them all)!!! Keep writing, soon the whole world will want “Pecans & Grape Vines on my Grandma’s Piano”!!! Xoxo

  2. Kwitta January 2, 2013 at 11:03 pm #

    I truly love this Kaddie it really did hit home girl

  3. Elbony January 2, 2013 at 11:26 pm #

    Soooo, I’m on IG and I see all this talk about #pecansandgrapevines and I’m like”what is all this talk about, what could I possibly be missing” (nosey) and so I checks it out….and BOOM, here’s nothing but the truth coming out in these amazing writings from someone I can honestly say I know. As a reader, you sometimes wonder how real an author can be while “maintaining” total and complete honesty. So, to know that you can totally relate to something you read and also know that its truthful coming from someone right down the road from you…it kinda gives you confirmation that you really aint the only one going through somethings that you sometimes try to keep to yourself!!
    P.S. Kendra this is gudd stuff, keep it the gudd work, now I’m a fan!!

  4. Marilyn January 3, 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    Awesome Kendra, Love it and Yes I read it all! Lol… Keep writing sweetie…many of us don’t understand the impact of our words and how they really impact people, our actions or our relationships. Many of us do things in the moment and don’t consider the long-term effects of our actions..Thanks for sharing, stay blessed and keep doing what you do Kendra..

  5. Elbony January 3, 2013 at 9:31 pm #

    Me: Bae, can you tell me how sincere is your sincerely?
    Him: But I don’t end my letters with “sincerely”
    Me: uggh, not like that babe, I’m talking about how sincere are you when you say “baby I’m sorry, or bae, it won’t happen again”
    Him: oooh ok, you talking about how much I really mean it when I say things like that??
    Me: yes bae, that’s what I’m talking about.

    Lol, this is how our conversation started this morning Kendra. Keep the posts coming!!

  6. Trina D January 14, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    LOVE this one too!!

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